WCE008 Unfunny Fritz talks about farting

Episode 8: Farts go round

This week Unfunny Fritz tells you his strangest fart story and afterwards bombs you with fart jokes.

A boy comes home proudly announces to his parents “Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!”
The parents are very happy and ask, “That’s amazing Lenny! And what was the question?”
Sticking out his chest, the boys says, “Who farted?”

The Queen takes the visiting pope for a ride in a carriage through London. Suddenly one of the horses lets one rip very loudly. “I am terribly sorry,” apologizes the embarrassed Queen. The pope replies, “Oh don’t worry, if you hadn’t said anything, I’d just think it was the horse!”

Darling, why are you trying to reach the ceiling with your legs?
You don’t understand these things, Carl, it’s yoga and this is a position called the candle.
And does the fact that you just farted have anything to do with it?
It’s a scented candle. Now go away!

Bill Gates farted in an Apple store. He later commented, “Well it’s hardly my fault they don’t have any Windows…”
When people hug you, fart loudly. You’ll make them feel very strong.

Doctor says to a patient: “Now breathe in deeply through your nose.“ The patient does so and the doctor starts to laugh. The patient asks what is the matter? The doctor wipes his tears and says, “I just farted.”

A skeleton made a bet, claiming he’s going to fart really loud in a crowded place. But he didn’t in the end. He just didn’t have the guts.

The most nerve-wracking moment in the life of a man?  Attempting your first silent public fart after a bout of diarrhea.

What is the real reason women don’t fart loudly in public?  Because they don’t shut up long enough to build a decent pressure.

A man farts unintentionally but loudly at a party. Another man looks absolutely scandalized and says, “How dare you fart in front of my sister?!”The farter looks even more devastated and says, “I’m sorry – I wasn’t aware it was her turn…”

These jokes were copied from http://www.short-funny.com/fart-jokes.php


Farts are like children. You don’t mind your own but you can’t stand other people’s.

I was on the bus the other day and I really needed to fart. Luckily the music was really loud so I timed my farts with the beat, and after a couple of songs I began to feel better. As I left the bus though, I noticed everyone was starting at me in disgust. That’s when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.

One day a lady walks into a very high class jewellery shop. She browses around for a bit before she spots a gorgeous diamond bracelet which she goes over to inspect. As she bends over to look at it more closely, she accidently breaks wind. She’s very embarrassed and looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident as she prays that a sales person doesn’t appear right now. But as she turns around her worst nightmare is realized as she sees a salesman standing right behind her. The salesman stays as cool as a cucumber and shows complete professionalism as he greets the lady by saying, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?” The lady is now a little more confident that she has got away with here little accient and asks, “How much is this lovely bracelet?” The salesman replies, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to crap yourself when I tell you the price.”

An old married couple are in church one Sunday when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”The husband turned to her and said, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

I never farted in front of my wife until we got married. I don’t think the priest was too impressed.

And these jokes were taken from http://laffgaff.com/funny-fart-jokes-for-kids-adults/

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